Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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