I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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