Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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