And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
