Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
