You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
