He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
