Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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