I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize