Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
