Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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