my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
