Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
