He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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