he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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