you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
