Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
