he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
