just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
