OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
