We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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