Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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