I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
