I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
