So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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