all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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