I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
