So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
