I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
