dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
