i think i have herpe
just one?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
