I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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