Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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