I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
