and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
