I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's the barista slut.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
