I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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