I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
