He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
