He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
