you guys were way drunker than both of me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I AM VODKA MAN
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You left your phone here
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