At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
