Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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