She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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