dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
