you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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