Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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