i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
