Cold hands, warm shart.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
