I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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