Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
