you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
