Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
