The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
