Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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