I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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