can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize