If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
