Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
