Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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