please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
