you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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