That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
