Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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