dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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