I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I enjoy the company of your penis
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