so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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