Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
