It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
