She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
