Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
