My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
