So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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