In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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