I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
