I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm drive I can fine osifer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ttyl tear gas
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
