remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize