Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
