we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
