i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
