Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can you bring me the toilet please
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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