Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
