we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
