You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
