just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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