I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
