This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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