My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize