do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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