Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
