I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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