i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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