I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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