Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want to be your penis for a week.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
