Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
