I'm eating all of the evidence.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
