shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
whose parrot is this?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
