For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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