marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
