My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
