Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
