I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
