i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize