Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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