I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
3pm strippers are depressing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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