remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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