this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
