His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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