he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize