The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
